Bonjour à tous !!!
Je suis en classe de première et j'ai une présentation a faire a l'oral avec une camarade.
Mon sujet est: " recréer un entretien d'embauche"
En fait, j'aimerais bien que quelqu'un de plutôt doué en Anglais regarde un peu ce que nous avons fait (ci dessous) pour corriger les erreurs de formulation, de syntaxe... Merci d'avance!  
 
MARION: Next, Miss Johnson come in please!
CHARLENE: Good morning madame!
M: Sit down please. Welcome to my restaurant, The ........(il faut que je trouve un nom de restaurant) Isaw your CV, it's very interesting but I want  to know more about you. So why did you want to become a cook ?
C:When I was ten years old, I decided to create the best chocolate cake of the world. So, I made it and my mother loved it !!! That's when I knew what I wanted to do: becaume the bigger cook to make people happy awakening their sens of taste.
M: Really? It's an interesting story. If I understand, you have discovered this passion for cooking when you were very young. According to me, this passion for a job is very important. Now, I would you to tell me about your professional experience.
C: When I have graduated from the university of New York, I have taken a gap year in Paris for six mounthes in order to learn cook with ......(il faut que je trouve un nom de chef) It was fantastic. Now, I have more experience because he has learnt me lot of things.
M :I would like to know why do you want to work in my restaurant. Why did youchoose it specially ? An did you go in another restaurant to ask for a job ?
C : No because my choice was already made because your retaurant is the bigger and the best restaurant of United States for me. That's why it's the only restaurant where I wanted to work. So I decided to make everything to seize the opportunity to enter in your restaurant and I would be proud if I do that.
M : Also, you know that the job of cooking is very physical and when you make enything, you are the responsable. You can create new savours and all what you want. But be carrefull, that have to agree to custumers. You have to be sure of you. Moreover you will make menus wich will change every mounth to atract the custumers who are looking for diversity. It will be your role if you be hire. Would you be ready to do that...?
C : Yes! It's exactly what I want to do. I would ready to begin now if you would ask me.
M: No problem, can you make a menu for me please? (elle tend une feuille et un stylo)
C : Of course, moment... (elle écrit, rature et tend sa feuille)
M : Mmmmh, yeah, it's quiet good. So tell me about your weaknesses.
C: As you can see that my menu is not very good but if I have a little mor time, I can right an exellent menu. Moreover I'm sometimes hungry when I see someone who are making a bad work, because I want that everything must be perfect.
M:Right. Do you have any questions before to finish this interview ?
C:Yes. Can you tell me about working houres and the salary please?
M: Of course! For working houres, you will have the details if you be hire. The salary is 2000 pounds every mounth, for the begining. And if you are serious and motivated, a promotion is possible.
C: Thinks, that's very interesting.
M: You welcome !So the interview is finished and mayby I will be intouch with you soon!
C: I hope to have your news very fast. Thank you very much and have a good day!  
M :Have a good day too. Next! Mr Robinson please !
 
je vous remercie d'avance pour votre aide !

Bonjour, Alors voici la correction que je te propose (ce que je met en gras c'est ce que j'ai changé)  :  
 
MARION: Next, Miss Johnson come in please!  
CHARLENE: Good morning madame!  
M: Sit down please. Welcome to my restaurant, The ........(il faut que je trouve un nom de restaurant) I saw your CV, it's very interesting but I want  to know more about you. So why do you want to become a cook ?
C:When I was ten years old, I decided to create the best chocolate cake in the world. So, I made it and my mother loved it !!! That's when I knew what I wanted to do: become the biggest cook to make people happy awakening their sens of taste. (cela est incorrect)
 
M: Really? That's an interesting story. If I understand, you have discovered this passion for cooking when you were very young. According to me, this passion for a job is very important. Now, I would you to tell me about your professional experience.  
 
C: When I have graduated from the university of New York, I took a gap year in Paris for six months in order to learn cooking with ......(il faut que je trouve un nom de chef) It was fantastic. Now, I have more experience because he has taught me a lot of things.  
 
M :I would like to know why do you want to work in my restaurant. Why did you choose mine ? and did you go to another restaurant to ask for a job ?  
 
C : No because my choice was already made because your retaurant is the biggest and the best restaurant of the United States for me. That's why it's the only restaurant where I wanted to work. So I decided to make everything to seize the opportunity to enter in your restaurant and I would be proud if I do that.  
 
M : Also, you know that the job of cooking is very physical and when you make anything, you are the responsable. You can create new flavours and all what you want. But be carreful, it has to agree with the customers. You have to be sure of yourself. Moreover you will make menus which will change every month to attract the customers who are looking for diversity. It will be your role if you are hired. Would you be ready to do that...?  
 
C : Yes! It's exactly what I want to do. I would be ready to begin now if you told me to
 
M: No problem, can you make a menu for me please? (elle tend une feuille et un stylo)  
 
C : Of course,one moment please... (elle écrit, rature et tend sa feuille)  
 
M : Mmmmh, yeah, it's quiet good. So tell me about your weaknesses.  
 
C: As you can see that my menu is not very good but if I have a little more time, I can right an excellent menu. Moreover I'm sometimes hungry when I see someone who is making a bad work, because I want that everything to be perfect.  
 
M:Right. Do you have any questions before we finish this interview ?  
 
C:Yes. Can you tell me about working hours and the salary please?  
 
M: Of course! For working hours, you will have the details if you are hired. The salary is 2000 pounds ]every month, for the beggining. And if you are serious and motivated, a promotion is possible.  
 
C: Thanks, that's very interesting.  
 
M: You are welcome !So the interview is finished and maybe I will be intouch with you soon!  
 
C: I hope to hear from you very soon. Thank you very much and have a good day!  
 
M :Have a good day too. Next! Mr Robinson please !  
 
Voila, Apart quelques fautes , je trouve que c'est un bon travail
 
Bonne chance a l'oral
 
 
 

merci beaucoup c'est vraiment super ce que vous avez fait !!!
vous etes un professeur ...?

Ptite remarque pour la fin :
 
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
 
C'est la phrase magique
 
(sinon, quelques additions sur ce qu'a fait killua54, dans l'ordre du texte)
 
I saw your CV > I read your CV/resume
So why do you want to become a cook ? > si on garde le do au lieu du did, il faudrait dire be plutôt que become
he has taught me a lot of things > he taught me a lot of things
before we finish > before we end, ça sonne mieux
intouch > in touch
have a good day > have a nice day
 
 
bon ok j'ai pas fait tout le texte non plus

Merci beaucoup !!! ce n'est pas grave du tout si vous n'avez pas regarder tout le texte ! Je vous remercie tout de même ! vous m'avez tous deux bien aidé et je vous en remercie beaucoup !!!